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February 1st, 2025 oh wait – I’m in Europe – 1 February 2025
I love birthdays. I see them as my personal holiday where anyone who wants to can join me as I follow my bliss and only do my favorite things. As it’s difficult to fit all of my favorite things into one day, my birthday is a lot like Christmas – it’s a season that can last an entire month (and from my point of view it often does).
When my future contract with Princess changed from joining Grand Princess in January to joining Majestic Princess on February 4th, my first thought was ‘Yay! I get to go to the Mediterranean!’ My second thought was ‘Yay, I get to be home for my birthday!’ (where I know I will get the chance to adequately celebrate), and my third thought was, ‘we’ll see if this is actually going to happen’- the Mediterranean had been evading me for years.
Then everything changed (called it!), and now I’m on a ship for my birthday. It’s a sea day. I’m with a new company in a new role. All of the friends I’ve made on the crew have disembarked. All of the guests I’ve befriended have also left.
I take full responsibility for my happiness, and I believe that if I want others to celebrate me with me it is my responsibility to give them adequate notice that it’s my birthday. And I don’t think I want to.
I am very curious to see if this will be my first secret birthday. I’m going to try to go the whole day without anyone finding out. I’m at sea with no cell service, and I’ve chosen not to spend €25 on internet to access my birthday messages (which already started pouring in last night). I know I’m loved by the people who know me. But no one knows me here.
Am I setting myself up to have the worst birthday?
Absolutely not.
It already isn’t.
(But I’ll get to that later.)
As I sit here pretending to work (hopefully I’m good enough at my job that by the time I post this, no one will notice that I didn’t exactly make doing my job the highest priority for one day), sipping my latte spiked with my favorite Bailey’s Irish Cream and a generous splash of Jameson, I’m remembering the other times when I thought that perhaps my birthday would be disappointing.
When I turned 18, I ditched my first two classes of high school and showed up for choir – which I loved, because we literally spent up to 49 minutes singing in harmony and because all of my friends were there. But my friends were not there that day. I was pissed. Didn’t they know it was my birthday?
I called my mom. She picked me up and took me to the movies where I had a ridiculous combination of ice cream and brownies and cookie dough. When the movie finished, I checked my (now) archaic cell phone and found a bunch of messages from my friends. It turns out that they’d ditched choir to plan a surprise lunch birthday party picnic for me with cake and balloons!
Which I did not show up for.
Because they forgot to invite me.
To my own surprise party.
I felt so loved. But I also offer this warning: if you’re going to throw someone a surprise party, make sure you arrange for them to show up.
Hi, I’m Kelly, and my fun fact is that I wasn’t invited to my own surprise party.
I still had a great day, and I loved that they put that party together even though I didn’t make it. Plus, now it’s a pretty good story.
In 2012 I was touring Italy doing theater for kids. We were in a different town or village or city every day and I was traveling with three other team members who I didn’t trust to make me feel as special as my friends and family usually did. I don’t know how this happened, but in quintessential Italian style, I was treated like family by strangers. The teachers found out that it was my birthday, and when I thought we were just going to a regular team dinner, a cake came out with the most elaborate fireworks I had ever seen on a cake, and birthday cards made by the kids. It still baffles me how many Italians made me feel both like family and a celebrity before they actually have the chance to get to know me.
After that, I was set. For several years in a row, Emily and I would go skiing for my birthday and have the best day.
When I started working on ships, my birthday would usually land on a port day, which was easy. I would make sure I didn’t have to work and would go out and have a great day wherever I was.
Then in 2020 on Golden Princess my birthday landed on sea day – and not just any sea day. It was right in the middle of three consecutive sea days when each night the clocks went an hour forward. This pattern occurred once every three weeks – three days where everyone worked really hard and didn’t get enough sleep, so the parties were usually postponed for when we gained those hours back.
I started laying the ground work ahead of time. As I called bingo numbers I would slip in little hints – ‘Two. Two all by itself, two. Two days until my birthday… Two.’ ‘Next number is 37… three and seven… 37. Today I am 36 but tomorrow I will be 37.’
I made sure to be on the Wake Show and told all of the guests it was my birthday, so I would be wished happy birthday all day (and I was). The night before, my friends showed up and made me feel special as we counted down to my birthday at midnight (we may have went ahead and turned our clocks forward early) and then also celebrated on the actual day, even though we all were working and exhausted. That year I was in New Zealand – so I was living in the future. I kept checking my phone for birthday salutations, but they didn’t start rolling in until the day after my birthday (where I was). By that time I felt so celebrated that I was like, ‘oh? Is that still going on?’ I decided I preferred to get all of the messages the day before from my friends living in the future than to be the one leading the way while the rest of the world caught up.
In 2021, I was home with my family in the middle of a pandemic where no one could go anywhere or do anything. But my family always does a great job of making me feel celebrated. I especially loved not having to work.
In 2022, I was on Enchanted Princess.
It was the Inaugural season after the pandemic and COVID was running rampant through various guest and departments over the holidays (though luckily, my team remained healthy). There were no crew gatherings allowed. The crew was not allowed to go ashore. Deck privileges were temporarily suspended so we were only allowed to be in guest areas when we were working. The crew bar was ‘grab and go’.
So we were expected to go to work, go to our cabins, and stay six feet away from each other in different rooms as much as possible.
My best friend had inexplicably stopped speaking to me after his birthday two weeks before. I called my mom crying. I take full responsibility for having fun on my birthday, and I couldn’t figure out how to do it – I couldn’t go somewhere special to eat, I couldn’t drink, my best friend wasn’t talking to me. My mom asked if she could buy me a massage (which is so decadent – the massages on the ship are way more expensive than they are on land) – but we didn’t have deck privileges! I wasn’t allowed to go to the spa!
Then the universe showed up.
The Music Manager, Paulo (from Brazil), who I’d often banter with while we both worked in the Entertainment office, discovered my predicament. He snuck into my cabin with a bottle of wine the night before my birthday and we just platonically hung out.
He asked me, ‘So Kelly O’Laughlin was born in Sacramento – Then what? Tell me the story.”
Obviously I get to talk about myself here on this blog because I’ve created this platform, but I spend so much of my time at work making small talk and trying to come up with questions that will manifest into interesting conversations that it is jarring when someone stops the conversation and asks about me with genuine interest. It felt really good to be seen.
The next day I went to the crew pool (because that was literally the only thing to do besides sit alone in my inside cabin) and my friend who wasn’t talking to me showed up and acted as if he hadn’t been avoiding me for the last couple of weeks. I played along. Then Paulo invited me for Brazilian coffee with a couple of other musicians in his cabin (just to be clear I am not leaving out any saucy details. I did not get any kisses or remove any clothing during this birthday, despite what is assumed when people visit other people’s cabins on ships).
I probably did some minimal activities for work that night and then my team invited me to a surprise cabin party (which I was actually invited to), with snacks and Christmas lights and candy and drinks. This was the birthday I was most worried about and it ended up being pretty great.
Then I was about to turn 40.
I did not want to turn 40. I remembered when my parents turned 40 – with “Over the Hill!” signs and “Lordy, Lordy Tim is 40!” t-shirts. I did not feel like a grown up. I played games, told jokes and danced and lived out of a suitcase.
When I turned 29 I was touring Italy (referenced above), living out of a suitcase and transferring money via PayPal from my credit card into my checking account so I could make the minimum payment on that same credit card. When I turned 30, I had a grown up job with health insurance and I could pay my bills. Now I had money in the bank, I was traveling the world and having fun creating fun for grown-ups on vacation – but I still did not want to turn 40.
I told my mom that we could trade – She could turn 40 and I would turn 73 and look great for my age.
I think I was taking on a lot of social pressure and connotations that no one else actually cared about. I told my family that I did not want to celebrate my 40th birthday because I did not want to be 40. I did not want to be a grown up. I wanted to keep seeing the world and having fun. I guess I was the only one who thought these things were mutually exclusive.
I went wine tasting with my cousins and then came home to a bunch of balloons and decorations shaped like “40” and all the people who knew me in the area. They made me feel so loved, when I was throwing a tantrum over an arbitrary number that only has meaning if you choose to give it that power.
I’ve since gotten better at being in my 40’s – at least I don’t lie about my age when it comes up. Also I really enjoy when people fall out of their chairs when they find out how old I am.
So now we swing back to the present. Every year I tell people the only thing I want is for no one to sing that song to me. Here on the ship they beat drums and sing the song several times every evening to all the people celebrating their birthday. Every time I hear it I am so glad that that attention is not focused on me.
This has been a really different job, with new challenges. I am used to having a team, and here I am on the guest list staying in a guest cabin, and I’m not allowed in crew areas. I interact with crew members while we are both working and there have been a couple of times when we’ve managed to hang out ashore when we are both not working, but as I’ve said, those friends have disembarked. Most guests are only here for a week so it difficult to get to know them beyond small talk and repeated short interactions. There was a group of guests who were onboard for two weeks in a row, so I was able to get to know them better, but all of them disembarked yesterday. So I’ve had low expectations for this birthday. And then the Universe slapped me in the face.
It’s been weird not being able to tap into the social team energy of a ship. About a month ago I spoke to my energy healer and shifted my perspective. Instead of trying to find a community, I started thinking of this job as a working vacation. I’ve traveled a lot on my own and I love going back and forth between traveling with friends (which is wonderful) and then doing only absolutely whatever I want to do (which is also really fun). Rather than trying to see which connections with people would turn into a reliable friendship, I’ve shifted to simply enjoying spontaneous, unexpected, and sometimes deep conversations with both strangers and familiar faces. As I’ve shifted to appreciating these moments of connection on their own, they have started appearing more and more often. I’ve been soaking up that friendship energy anywhere it shows up – whether it’s knowing that someone needs a hug to stumbling into a particularly complex conversation with someone who’s name I’ve already forgotten after the initial introduction. It’s been really fun and invigorating. With the time difference, it’s hard to find time to call home while my family is awake, I have service and we’re both not working. I have a couple of friends in the area who I can talk to while the sun is out, but I’ve been very pleasantly surprised by how fulfilling these fleeting connections with relative strangers have been once I chose to actively pay attention to them and give them the credit they deserve.
Then a couple of nights ago, I showed up for my evening get-together as usual, with plans of putting in my assigned time, then visiting the shore excursions office to see what tour I could go on the next day, going to bed early, and continuing as I had the last couple of weeks – quietly seeing as much of Northern Europe as I can.
I found myself sitting next to an American guest who was around my age and had come on the cruise on her own and the conversation flowed so naturally that the other guests eventually trickled away to do whatever else they were going to do while we kept talking. It was such a great conversation that went all over the place. Before we knew it another hour had passed, and she gave me an out – she knew my working hours had ended and didn’t want to take up more of my time. I said, ‘Actually, I’m having so much fun talking to you – would you mind watching my American sign and laptop while I go to the bathroom?’ ‘Of course,’ she said. I really liked her. I came back and we confirmed that the feeling was mutual and we should be friends.
Then – get this- a tall, very attractive French guy walked by. I had seen him a couple of days before and told my new friend that his name was William. She said ‘Hi William’ as if they had already met, and he paused. We invited him to join us, and he sat down instead of going to the party that he had been heading to. I am so used to admiring attractive guys as they pass by and nothing coming of it. But this guy was really funny and fun and interesting. The conversation was effortless. I had a hard time squeezing in follow up questions in before the subject shifted. I was aware that the time had probably passed for me to book a tour for the next day. I didn’t care. This was better. I was having too much fun. I would sleep tomorrow and catch up on my blog instead.
Somebody stopped by to ask the French guy if he wanted to join him for Karaoke. He thanked his friend and chose to stay with us. As the bar started closing down, we noticed how late it was getting, but none of us wanted to leave. I asked Leah (my new friend) if I could join her for her day out in Brugge the next day, and she was like – yeah! Why didn’t we think of this before? She turned to William, and asked (like one would ask a celebrity they had just met) did he want to come to Brugge with us? He looked so honored to be asked.
Well! If we were going to leave the ship when the gangway opened, we needed to get some sleep! It was easier to part ways knowing we would be able to resume the conversation in the morning.
A few hours later we set off for Brugge together marveling at how much fun we were having. Leah felt like a best friend I had known my whole life, and as I continued to wait for William to start acting like a normal person, he just kept being more and more charming and funny and complex. What is happening? Where did these people come from? Less than 24 hours before I had been telling them (because they asked) how difficult and rare it is to find good deep friendships on ships – especially in this role – and now here I was in this charming town, in Europe (where I’ve wanted to be for so long), with people who made me laugh and stimulated my mind and challenged my perspectives. I had friends!
Thank you Universe, for a birthday gift that is even better than I could have imagined.
William had to go home the next day because his cruise was over. I didn’t have space to mourn his absence because Leah and I went to Ghent, which turned out to be even better than Brugge (which I did not think was possible) and continued to have so much fun while we messaged William on his bus to France. I also got messages from Lauren (who I loved working with on the Diamond Princess) who wanted me to come work with her doing a job that might be even more fun than the one I have now, and way better than the one I had when I worked with her before!
Yesterday morning, Leah went home to the US, but I didn’t have space in my soul to mourn because Rose was picking me up to take me out to celebrate my birthday. Rose – who I’d had a similar instant connection with thirteen years ago which has thrived to this day.
As I filled Rose in on my life since I had last seen her, we drove away from Southampton to Lymington,, a town I’d never been to before. We had to slow down for the donkeys in the Road.
We sat by the water and looked out at the boats while I opened my presents.
They were so thoughtfully selected – so many things I could use!
And a journal – which was part of the story.
I was so happy I was crying. Rose said we should take a picture so we would always remember this moment.
We had an amazing lunch and were too full for dessert, so they brought the perfect cake for our appetites!
It seems I’ve developed a habit of having so much appreciation for what showns up in my amazing life that when the circumstances change, I don’t feel the absence- I am so full I can keep feeling the feeling without needing the thing that inspired the feeling to be present. While I am not, at this moment, surrounded by gorgeous old architecture, having riveting, hilarious conversations with someone my soul has known forever and someone who is basically a more attractive version of a character from an unrealistic romantic comedy – like, not even a regular one – more like a farce or a satire or a musical- I am still having so much fun curiously looking around to see what will show up next.
Plus, I am so behind on this blog that I need at least a little bit of time between the adventures to write about them. Don’t worry – I’m sure I’ll come back down to earth eventually. But right now I’m having a great time making myself gag as I describe my euphoria.
So today I’ve chosen to be anonymous. I have somehow managed to open a window that’s allowed everything I want to pour into my life in forms even better than what I could have defined myself. I don’t need or want people to sing at me or make me feel special because I don’t know how I could feel any happier than I do right now.
I’ve spent my time sitting behind my American sign, reminiscing and writing this. I went to lunch with a couple from the Netherlands and a lady from Scotland who lives in London and learned about even more things I want to do in this region. Then in the afternoon, I resumed my spot behind my American sign and continued writing. I had a really nice connection with one of my favorite Cruise Staff. I went to dinner, and when the other people assigned to the table didn’t show up, I was delighted to find one bar of phone service – just enough to read my birthday messages from all over the world and furiously message my new friends.
This just might have been the best one and I can’t wait to see where it leads next – like a movie, it may only last another couple of hours. My favorite quote (which has been attributed to a number of authors) is: “Everything always works out in the end- so if it’s not working out, it’s not the end.”
Now, I’m thinking that even when things are working out, that may not be the end either…
Love your writing Kelly! Please keep it up and keep sharing!